why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
