I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
