Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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