so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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