and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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