Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
