Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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