We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
