May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i need some magic done to my vagina
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
