my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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