I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
