i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
