i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
