Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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