New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
