Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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