Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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