It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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