First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize