i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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