well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
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The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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