I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
