Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
