I cockslap morals
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
