I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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