im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
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It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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