evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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