my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
everyone is single if you try hard enough
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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