how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Randomize
