Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
