I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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