Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
