I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
