Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish life had little blips of pornography
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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