here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
