I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
