I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
