I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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