he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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