we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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