Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
