I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So vagazzling was a success
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
