WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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