I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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