Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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