Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
