i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
