Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize