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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My breasts were aching with rage.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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