I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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