I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
