Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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