I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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