Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
