Hey man sorry I got all grabby
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
