i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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