Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
