Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
