My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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