he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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