guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
