finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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