I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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