Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want her autograph on my taint
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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