i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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