he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i would one night stand the shit outta him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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