I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
