I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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